When my mom passed at my house, I was there. It was raining, and I was just texting with dani about the grieving process. The hospice nurse that was there that morning had just said that she would pass that day or the next. Even though we knew this, it was still a little shocking, and that was the only time a hospice nurse was straight with us. My dad went to get cleaned up and I was just wasting time on my laptop, while my mom was breathing steadily. My aunt just arrived when I was telling her what the nurse had said, at the same time my dad walked down the stairs. We all looked at her, waiting for her to take her next breath. We knew right then that she was leaving us, with a few more big gasps of air, she went on to her next journey.
It was a crazy thing, I am pretty sure I said “wow” out loud, staring in disbelief even though we all knew this day would come.
An hour after she passed, the rain stopped and the clouds cleared up. It was a beautiful evening. The days following have also been full of beautiful clouds, blue skies, perfect temperatures, and lovely sunsets. I believe that it is my mom.
Tomorrow is my mom’s service, and it will probably be overwhelming. We have already received so many cards in the mail. It truly means so much to me that people care about my family and I. Everyone has been so kind, and my mom was loved by so many people. In her gentle calm demeanor, she touched many lives. She taught me how to be kind, loving, open, and a good listener. She always supported me, and let me know that she admires the person that I am. I am so thankful for having such a wonderful mother.
"People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad."
Marcel Proust (via observando)
Yesterday, I lost my mom to a rare liver cancer. She was diagnosed in May, and it was stage 4. She held on for a long time, she is a true fighter. She had battled and won over breast cancer before.
This was something I never thought I would have to face so soon in my life with her. Unfortunately I know other people who have lost their mom or dad, and I thought “wow I couldn’t imagine loosing a parent right now.” but it happens, cause they are people too. I absolutely love my mom, I am very lucky to have a good relationship with both of my parents. I enjoyed the time I got to spend with her and I am glad she got to see me grow into myself. She and I have so many memories together, I cherish them all. And she was so sweet to leave my sister and I little notes reflecting on her memories with us growing up.
We had the kind of relationship where I would text her letting her know where I was, (at work, hanging with a friend) she wanted to know. After she was diagnosed, she distanced herself, maybe so it would be easier for my sister and I to get used to not being able to call her up and text her all the time. I am sure it was very painful for my mom. I know when she found out what was going on with her body, it must have been a lot to take in, and think about. I helped my mom and gave her leg rubs when she wanted them. I was also told by another caregiver that my mom said she was not afraid of death, which also gives me peace. I am blessed to have such wonderful and caring family, and friends! When my mom passed, others lost a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter. I lost my mom and best friend. I am grateful that she is no longer in pain, and can rest peacefully. Love you forever mom.
On sunday i went on a fun adventure with dani!
gluten-free blackberry pancakes!!!! (styling by parker)
The saddest thing to me about my mom having a terminal illness is just the fact that I won’t be able to share things with her anymore. (it is also awful watching a perfectly healthy woman I love go so downhill within months.)
I am very much going to miss my mom. At least I have a loving family.